Reflections

As I move through the process of re-reading this blog, I realize how much it has helped me to remember Mike when he was healthy-- not just stories and anecdotes but also his physical abilities and appearance.  Dexamethasone was a drug used to reduce swelling in Mike's brain.  It has a long long list of side effects, which caused Mike's appearance to change.  The tumour caused Mike's right side to become weak.  After Mike died, I looked at older photos -- photos taken before the dexamethasone and before the tumour-- and hardly recognized him.  I had forgotten what he looked like before he was ill.  I don't know how that is possible, but it was true.  I had forgotten how Mike could give big, tackle hugs, wrestling people to the ground.  I had forgotten how he loved to fly the kids through the air or give silly piggy-back rides.  I had forgotten about his physical strength-- his ability to carry ALL the groceries, lift ALL the suitcases, portage the canoe the whole distance while carrying a heavy pack, beat pretty much anyone at an arm-wresting challenge, drop for 80 push-ups in a minute, and open the jar of spaghetti with a quick twist of the wrist (surely I must have loosened it...?).  I know Mike would want to be remembered as the happy, strong, and healthy person he was.  Now, when I read our stories and look at the photos, I feel that happy and healthy person alive again in my mind.  My brain has shifted back to remembering and celebrating all that is truly Mike-- strong-- and smiling.