Being A Kid

Today is Lucas’ 5^th  birthday.  It’s another big milestone in our small family and we are so proud of him.  He’s interested in dinosaurs, building lego,  drawing, ‘experiments’, and stuffing his pockets with collections of small bits of stuff (be it grimy bottle caps, little sticks, or special pebbles).  He can hit a ball with a racket, is trying really hard to snap his fingers, and is starting to read.  He is looking forward to soccer season and learning to ride a bike without training wheels.  The life of a 5-year old.

It’s bittersweet to see him grow,  knowing Mike won’t be part of his life.  I see so much of Mike in Lucas, I worry we’ll put that pressure on him—to be just like Daddy.

Lucas will say he wants to be a doctor and a scientist and an artist and a football player.  What he really wants is to be part of his Daddy.

Mike had so many passions.  I could rhyme off a list, as though listing off body parts.  Many of these passions started out as a kid and continued into adulthood.    He told me many times, his Dad (Dennis) used to say: ‘Never be in a hurry to grow up’.  Mike took that to heart, with his silliness, big grin, and his kid-like cheeks.  He took his interest in dinosaurs and wrote a physiology paper in university on the theory of dinosaur respirology.  He translated his fascination of super heros and his drawing skills into detailed anatomical sketches when studying anatomy. 

Last night, Lucas had a brief wave of sadness at the prospect of turning 5.   He said he wanted to stay 4 and that he didn’t want to turn 5.   There were tears in his eyes.  I’m not sure if he was worried or scared.  He couldn’t explain it.  I couldn’t either, but somehow I think I could understand how he felt.  Growing older means change.  It’s the unknown.     But aren’t we all the same, always?  That little kid in us is who we need to care for and listen to—and then maybe we can all keep that connection and enthusiasm to our passions and to what is most important.  And if Lucas can do that, he will be just like his Daddy.