When Emily says 'Daddy'

Emily doesn't say 'Daddy' too often around the house.  Yet, it does come up in everyday contexts, when playing with the toy Daddy as part of her doll house, or reciting words from a book that include 'Daddy', or singing songs that have a 'Daddy' part to them.  It struck me the other day, in particular, listening to this silly 'fart story' that was playing in the car.  I mentioned it a few days ago, when talking about Lucas and his gut-busting laughter. (The  story is called 'Good Families Don't' by Robert Munsch...and my apologies for the reference at all, let alone mentioning it twice!  But you know Mike would have laughed hard at this one....).   In the book, there's a part where the little boy is yelling 'Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy' to get their attention.  Then Emily naturally started to imitate this phrase.

Every time I hear her say 'Daddy', I have a twinge- sometimes little, sometimes big.  It's sort of sadness and happiness at the same time.  Because if I squint a little, I can imagine she's talking to Mike and it's nice to hear her little voice pipe out that special word.  And she's happy, oblivious to my thoughts-- she's just shouting out silliness, like 'Look, Daddy can run upside down' --while flailing her doll house Daddy figure upside down.  Saying 'Daddy' doesn't carry any extra emotional load for her.  That tells me she's okay, even though I get the twinge of muddled feelings.  I may feel a deep, low rumbling kind of sadness in hearing her say 'Daddy' but her happiness (silliness, innocence...) washes it away.  What's left behind usually is my thoughts of Mike as her Daddy.

Lisa talked about time standing still in her ode to grey hair a few days ago.  When Emily says 'Daddy', despite all the feelings, I can see Mike and his baby Emo, and even imagine her a bit older, holding tightly to his hand.  That is one proud, happy father and his happy babe.