Serenity

Mike loved to visit his Muncle Icheal (Uncle Micheal), Coral, Aaron, Bridget, Mickey, Jasper and the rest of 'the farm' gang in Perth.  He found a great sense of peace on those visits both from the conversations and the beautiful scenery.  It's a place that fills up your imagination!  Every corner brings wonderment and visits with Lucas and Emily affirmed this-- Daddy, what is THIS?  (could be an owl wing drying, a swing in the kitchen, 'dinosaur bones' (moose bones), brussel sprouts growing in the garden).

I often find myself thinking of what we were doing the same time last year, as we are all apt to do.  Last year we went star-gazing at the farm in November.  The sky opened up in front of us, like a gift.  Last year it didn't snow as much.  Last year Emily wore a polka-dotted dress on her 1st birthday.  Last year. Last year.

Last year at this time, Mike was becoming much more sick.  I can feel these next few months becoming more difficult for me, as I remember what came to be with each passing month, leading to June.  I wouldn't have predicted these feelings, in this way.  Grief has a way of hitting you like a wave or slowly eroding your footing.  Either way, you are knocked down.

Visits to the farm now bring me that feeling of serenity.  We are planning a visit soon to help us move forward through these grey months.   Thankfully, the days are transitioning from grey to green as spring struggles to take hold.  I look forward to that!  It was always very hard for Mike to leave the farm.  Our good-byes were so long and drawn out, it became a joke between Mike and I.  I have a feeling the same thing will happen to us the next time we visit.