A Conversation

I was walking downtown Kingston and ran into Mike just outside Starbucks on a beautiful crisp sunny day in March last year. He had just had a coffee with a friend and was walking down to Pan Chanchos (surprise, surprise!) before someone was going to pick him up. We had a long meaningful talk that day….it was a conversation I will never forget.

Mike talked about many things. Happy things, and sad things. He talked about his new normal and how he was finding peace. He talked about how happy he was that he had lived to see Emily turn one and he mentioned how desperately he wanted to see Lucas turn four. This shocked me since it was only a few weeks away at that point and yet we were standing outside on Princess Street chatting. This hit me hard and it made me realize even more how quickly things were changing for him. I told him how amazed I was at how he was coping with everything. Mike said that it had nothing to do with him and had everything to do with Sarah. Sarah was who kept him strong. Sarah was the one that gave him his courage. He said that her support was beyond anything he could explain or understand. He spoke of Sarah with such love and admiration….it is impossible for me to portray the depth of love that he gave me a glimpse of. Tears were unavoidable.

And then more tears came as we talked about how he hadn’t really explained anything to Lucas yet…at least not about what was really happening. He said that he didn’t know exactly what would be best. We talked about how some people left videos but he almost seemed worried that this would only cause more pain and grief. He was so worried about his family. He wished he could save them from all the pain and sorrow.

Despite the intensity of the conversation, Mike was also able to make light of his own personal challenges. He laughed and cried and somehow seemed quite at peace. He commented on the buildings as he gazed down the street saying how he had done this walk thousands of times before. I distinctly remember the look in his eyes as he soaked everything in, as if it may be the last time. He made me look around and it was probably the first time I actually tried to see every little detail. It opened my eyes to all that is around us and how we so often don’t take the time to notice or appreciate the little things.

Every week when I walk by that spot I remember this conversation. I make myself look around and I take it all in. Mike reinforced the importance of trying to live in the moment for me. I feel like it is a gift from him, something that he helped change in me. And yet, although this is a good thing, it still makes me sad every time.

Jackie